Monday, May 2, 2011

Having the Courage to Be Imperfect

Before I came across this video today I was in my kitchen staining my counter tops. I was thinking to myself how thankful I am for a year of messiness. Of really letting out all these dark and festering parts of my self. All the parts I've deemed unlovable. And how good it feels to be right sized and genuine in who I am. Before all of this growing I lived so afraid. And I was tired of trying to be who I thought  everyone wanted me to be. And I was scared if people really knew me they would definitely leave. It really has been a crazy year and some people have left and that's felt really sad. But lots of people have stayed and I'm getting to feel so free and lovable in those relationships. And I'm clear that there will always be people who don't like me or agree with me but I'm also clear that the relationships I do have get to be ones where i know i am loved just the way I am. Which is such a beautiful gift.

After a weekend of feeling uncomfortable in my skin, and irritated at my new bangs, and sad about the loss of some relationships. Thank you spirit for this reminder.

So today is about being thankful. For the messiness and the imperfections. And believing those imperfections are really what make you so perfect.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Bungee Jumping

So here it is.
My 1st blog. This is the 3rd time I've set out to do this. Every time feeling completely paralyzed. I've titled this bungee jumping due to the fact that I can imagine I'd feel this same way if I ever did go bungee jumping. I know that probably seems silly and over dramatic (what? me over dramatic?) but I've been really paralyzed by the idea of perfection. I've thought and thought about what to say. and how to be really funny and witty and wise all at the same time. I want to be popular and liked. I want to be praised and revered. It's all silly I know, just over a blog, but this feels like the start of something for me. Something is waking up. A part of me I've tried to put to sleep. The part of me with a voice and a future and things to be passionate about.

So here it goes. I'm jumping. Running full speed to the edge and throwing myself off....

This is not about perfection. This is not about being funny enough, wise enough, smart enough, the best writer, the most popular, the trendiest, or the most spiritual. This is not about being liked or being not liked.
This is about dreaming. This is about listening and doing. This is about unraveling and waiting. This is about being passionate, having a voice, trusting. This is about working out the kinks. Watching myself grow. The not knowing. The quiet. This is about peace. and people. and love. This is about doing it even when I'm scared. About listening to that small voice. Believing.
This is about knowing... I'm enough. I matter. I make a difference.